Because I look at the world everyday and I would do anything- absolutely anything- to, just for a moment, experience the ecstasy of being the things that I see. To feel the rush of being the drop of water at the top of the fountain at the Point. To be light as an autumn leaf drifting through the cool breeze. To be as soft and inviting as my bed at home. To be as dark and powerful as the weather just before a storm hits. To be a whisper; or a scream. To be snow, lit beneath a street light. To be the light from the sun- going so much farther than I will ever go. To be a mirror- the ultimate form of people watching. To be the wind- telling birds to fly and making humans want to.
I often stand atop Mt. Washington at night and gaze at all of the city lights. I pretend each light is a human life. I watch as night goes- some go on and some go off. They are like man-made stars. I see their reflections in the river and it looks like the lights there are from another city; beneath us- keeping us afloat. I stand there for hours and tell myself that if I jump off right now, I won’t die. Halfway through the fall my body will shatter into a billion shards. The wind will catch my remains and I will be spread out until I become the city; until I become this sight- I want to sacrifice myself to it.
That is the most beautiful tragedy that is being human. I am trapped by my body and I want, with every fiber of my being, to be something else, yet only as me could I understand that beauty and have that longing. I will always know what it feels like to be these things more than they ever can, yet I will never stop wanting.
She made herself be completely human.
Let’s be honest, there are absolutely no certainties in life I could die tomorrow for all I know.
I’ve never been one of those girls that planned their entire lives- their wedding, their future husband, their kid’s names, etc. That’s just not who I am.
In my opinion, you can’t live life as though there are guarantees. Don’t schedule everything or set outrageous goals for yourself or make concrete plans for your future. Having too many expectations will only lead to disappointment and it takes away from the here and now, which is the only thing we are truly given- the only guarantee that we have.
My six words mean that through my journey in life I plan to come to terms with my own humanness. That may sound odd or complicated, but I basically just mean that I will learn to understand and accept what it means to be human- all of the limitations, all of the beauty, all of the uncertainty, all of the wonder- and by the end I hope to have a concise opinion on what we really are.
I used the word made because that will be part of the journey- fully knowing humanity involves accepting that parts of being human that I cannot change- both the good and the bad; the beautiful and the terrifying. For example, I am one of those people that have never overcome that childish wish of wanting to fly- if anyone asked me what I wanted most in the world that would still be my answer. Yet, my body was not designed to reside in the clouds and that’s a part of humanity that I’ve had to accept. However, my mind was made to have that capability- we can fly in our dreams. Why do killers kill? Why are we so touched by music? That is what my future holds, answering questions that I have and forming my own opinions on life as we live it.
What I also meant with my six words was that my future will be never letting any moment go to waste. I may be young, but I have always been very aware of the world around me. I genuinely take pleasure in the weirdest/simplest things that you would see every day of your life. It may sound cheesy, but I am honestly just happy to be alive, and I feel that happiness surging through me every second of everyday. It is sometimes so powerful that it hurts; so powerful that I tear up. I don’t know why I am like this, but I know that awareness is not going to go away. I know that I will continue to drink in every smell, every taste, every touch, every moment that being human, being alive, has granted me.
The use of the word completely in my six words was also deliberate, because in my opinion these are the things that would make a life complete. Not how much money you make or how successful you are or how known you are or if you marry or have children or fall in love or any of those things that we are programmed to think we need. Life is living every second aware of yourself, in awe of the world around you, and thankful that you have the intellectual capacity to feel that beauty.